I got a visit from The Children of God the other evening. It wasn’t all that interesting. At 7:00, my doorbell rang. I ignored it at first. I hadn’t ordered food, and I wasn’t expecting company. I turned the volume up on the television and ignored the next ring at 7:05. My electric kettle stopped boiling and I placed a tea bag inside my heavy stone mug. The water was still bubbling at as I poured it over the shear baggie of chamomile tea.
The doorbell chimed again at 7:07. “Has there been an accident?” I called through the closed door. “I’m not very good in a crisis…” I trailed off. I noticed a black spider sitting in the corner of the door. My heart began to hammer against my sternum. On her bulbous abdomen there was a large red stripe.
“No…” The body-less voice answered. “But it is of greatest importance and urgency, that we discuss this matter.”
I opened the door quickly. I angled myself on the opposite side of the spider, but to still face the newly bodied voice. He had a soft face that was growing hard. His forehead had a new topography to it, and his chin showed the marks of unskilled hand. He is wearing a short sleeved buttoned grey shirt with a purple tie drawn tightly to his throat. He was holding a brown book tightly against his heart. “Hi! My name is Brother Amos.” He said with thin lined smile. I nodded, to acknowledge this new information. “I am here to teach the message of The Children of God.”
I look up to the spider. She stalked over closer to me. I stopped breathing and looked down. His black slacks were freshly pressed. “The Children of God teaches humility, love, and compassion to all of his creations. Both small and large. Our God has a warm smile and tight embrace. Through his teachings we can learn how to forgive ourselves of our sins. The sins of aging, maturity, and pride; and, learn how to see the world new again through fresh child-eyes.” He paused to open his book. He thumbed through. “Is there a certain matter the weighs heavy on your mind? The book has teachings for all of life’s hardships.”
“A spider.”
He flipped pages quickly and cleared his throat, “‘And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.’ Luke 3:6?” Brother Amos looked up to see if what he said had an effect.
I jumped away from the open door. At 7:10, the spider was on wall above my head. All of her eyes fixed on me. I felt her examine me, as I did her. I wondered if they she thought I was also strange, useless and disgusting. Maybe she did have a unique beautiful sentience, and was only trying to form an opinion of her housemate. I was going to call her Margie, and find her a better place to coexist. I had decided then I was going to take care of her until the end of her days.
Brother Amos cocked his head inside the door and looked. “Oh, shit! That’s a huge one!” He leaned inside and extended his spindly arm. He smacked his bible against the wall. I heard a wet popping noise. All that was left of Margie was a smear. An explosion of her long needle-like legs, and green organs above my head. I felt rage bubble up from down in my soul. Her life was extinguished as quickly as I found her. We had made a connection.
At 7:12, I had thrown the contents of mug into Brother Amos’ face. He recoiled from my door and yelped. He crumpled over my stoop and held his face away from me. “Murderer!” I howled and chucked my mug at his arched back. He flinched as the mug it bounced off him and exploded onto the concrete. He took flight from the steps, dropping his Margie stained bible.
I had missed the first part of Bones that night. I missed Margie mostly. They’re all self-righteous assholes. It was a rather uneventful evening.
RE Bunch 